how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
