feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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