Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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