He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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