New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is my gift to your gina
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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