if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
