I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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