I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't deserve a penis
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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