i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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