So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
