I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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