If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
