He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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