White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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