just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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