But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
