There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
