why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
