508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
