She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
