Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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