you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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