Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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