i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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