Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
