if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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