38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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