If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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