I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
