i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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