i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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