i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
