just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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