Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
