Who wears a wallet chain?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Even my vagina gasped.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
