don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
