sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
