batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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