I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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