shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize