He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize