Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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