He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
