apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize