hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
