We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
