okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
