he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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