pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
