you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
