My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
