I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
