I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
