Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
