i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
