I am puke
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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