wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
