I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
