he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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