Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
