If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
