Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
