and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
