dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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