So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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