I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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