wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
