Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
