You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
