Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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