for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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