Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
