Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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