I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
