I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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